The cause of my resentment and blame lies either in something that I include in the habitual feeling of myself, or it lies in something that I do not include in this feeling of myself. Let us take the first case—namely, I have been aroused so violently because something I include in the feeling of myself has been injured. I reflect on what was said and done. I decide that it seems to be a criticism of my efficiency.
Have I then a picture of being efficient and is this a component part of my customary feeling of myself? I did not quite realize it. As time goes on I become more and more conscious that it is so. To this extent I increase my consciousness of the sources of my usual feeling of myself. My task is then clear. I must notice where I am not at all efficient and slowly include this in my feeling of myself. Now this will change my feeling of myself a little. Why ? Because my consciousness of myself is increased. Also I will be freed from being so touchy in this direction, by including the opposite.
Maurice Nicoll, “The Idea of Balanced Man: The Feeling of Oneself” in Psychological Commentaries on the Teaching of Gurdjieff and Ouspensky (Vol. 5, p. 1529-1530).
Working Note: For Today’s Inner Effort
Orientation: Observe what your feeling of “I” depends upon.
What to Notice:
Feeling injured by criticism.
Defending an imagined picture of yourself.
Touchiness when efficiency is questioned.
Avoiding awareness of the opposite in yourself.
Work Effort for Today:
Include one weakness consciously.
Do not protect the picture.
Observe the reaction without justification.
Allow the uncomfortable fact into consciousness.
Remember: Include the opposite instead of defending the picture of yourself.
